On Thursday, July 28th, I had a prenatal checkup. I was two days away from my due date, and with all the Braxton Hicks contractions I had been having I’d every bit expected to had made some progression, and be told that Lily would be here soon. I should have known things never work out the way I want them to. God has been increasingly showing me that He is in control of situations, and not me. My doctor checked me and told me that I was 0% effaced, and 0 centimeters dilated and that he didn’t expect Lily to come anytime soon. Like every other woman who feels like a beached whale that late in pregnancy, I just went ahead and accepted that Lily was never coming out and that if I ever did give birth, it would be to a toddler. I went home with my next appointment set for August 4th at 3pm.

On Wednesday August 3rd, I decided I wanted to get out of the house and have a date with Reed. I figured we could squeeze one more date night in before I went into labor. Looking back, I’m glad we did. Reed grilled steaks and we had dinner at home, then went to Coldstone for some ice cream. We sat outside and ate our ice cream discussing how we thought life with a baby was going to be. We then went to Barnes and Noble to get some books. We were there for a good while, and I was doing a lot of walking. My lower back started to get a bit sore, so I told Reed I was going to sit down and to come find me when he was finished. We eventually left, and went home to watch America’s Got Talent on our DVR. While we were watching it, I began getting light cramps in my lower back. I mentioned to Reed that I thought I might be having contractions, but I wasn’t hopeful, and started walking around some more to see if they would go away. They kept coming. They weren’t very strong, but they were noticeable. Reed asked if I wanted to watch a movie with him, and I told him I really just wanted to go to bed.

I only slept for a total of 3 hours that night. I kept waking up with stronger and stronger menstrual like cramps in my back. By 8:00 am on Thursday, August 4th, I was making phone calls and sending texts to our immediate family telling them that I thought today might be the day and to keep their phones close. I decided to wait it out until my doctor appointment at 3. By noon, the contractions were getting strong enough where I couldn’t ignore them. By 1pm, they were strong enough that I couldn’t help but to make noise when one hit. Reed suggested that instead of going to my doctor appointment, that we just head on to Labor and Delivery which was right next door, so we wouldn’t have to wait. We had waited up to an hour at my doctor’s office before, and I didn’t want to be in pain in the waiting room.

Reed cooked some lunch (grilled salmon) while I took a shower to see if it eased the contractions. While in the shower, I noticed I needed to shave my legs. So between contractions, I shaved. I refused to have my legs thrown up in the air pushing a baby out without shaving them first. I look back and laugh at myself for this, but at least in the midst of my labor experience, my legs were smooth as silk. We headed on out to the hospital after I ate. I was okay with going to labor and delivery so soon.  The worst they could do was send me home.

That’s exactly what happened. We got in and they hooked me up to the monitors and told me I was definitely having contractions. They checked me. I just knew that by now, I had to be at least 5 centimeters dilated and 100% effaced with the pain I was feeling. The doctor finished up and said to me,
“Well, you’re about 1 centimeter and about 80% effaced…”

Ummm…what?
They checked the levels of the amniotic fluid to make sure my water hadn’t broken, scheduled an induction date, and sent me on my merry way. I was so disappointed because I thought I would be staying and meeting my baby. The nurse who discharged me gave Reed instructions on how to apply counter pressure to my lower back during a contraction, and made the comment that she thought I’d be back later that night, and wouldnt’ make it to my induction date. We were out by 4pm.

As soon as we walked through the door to our house, contractions hit extremely hard. I was trying everything from walking around, to getting down on all fours, to having Reed apply counter pressure. After a few hours, the pain was getting unbearable. Reed tried multiple times to get me back into the car to go back to Labor and Delivery, but I refused. I didn’t want to go just to get sent home again. Our phones kept ringing, and I wanted to throw them both against the wall.

By 10pm, Reed was getting really nervous as the pain increased more and more, and my yelling reached higher decibels. At this point, he had the car packed, and I couldn’t help but to notice he just couldn’t be still. My usually very calm husband was more nervous than I’d ever seen him. Then the phone rang and it was my sister. I wanted to talk to her between contractions, and got mad at Reed when he took the phone and all but picked me up and carried me to the car to go to the hospital. He drove there. Quick. And when I told him to slow down because it wasn’t like she was crowning or anything, I remember him saying, “but you’re screaming like you’re in the pits of hell!” I look back, and I laugh at this part of the labor experience because this is the only time in our marriage I saw Reed in a situation that he was this nervous.

We got to Labor and Delivery, and I signed all the paperwork. They checked me immediately and I was almost 5 centimeters and 100% effaced. I was thrilled when the doctor told me I wouldn’t be leaving without a baby. They asked me what I wanted to do about pain management. I said I wanted to hold off on an epidural, but already made my mind up that I wanted something to take the edge off. When I got into my room, they gave me a dose of stadol. After this, the next hour is a bit of a blur. I do remember bits and pieces. I remember my parents coming in to see me. I remember 2 of my contractions and Reed being on one side, and my dad on the other helping me through them. I remember asking everyone if they were really hot because I was burning up. I remember Reed’s best friend, David, bringing our bags up for us, and I remember agreeing to an epidural.

Ah, the epidural. My original plan was to try to go without one. I was terrified of not being able to move while I was in labor. However, I didn’t expect to be having terrible back labor (I didn’t feel a single contraction in my belly the entire time. Every single one was in my lower back.) and I didn’t expect to be in labor with only 3 hours of sleep the night before.  Though this point was still a blur, I remember being hesitant when they asked if I wanted the epidural, but after thinking that I might be too exhausted to push when the time came if I didn’t have some sort of relief, I opted to get it. I remember the anesthesiologist coming into my room around midnight to give it to me, and me saying something about my lower back tattoo, though I can’t remember what I said to him about it. The epidural kicked in, and I didn’t feel anything for a while after that.

Shortly after, the doctor came in and asked to break my water. I agreed, but was still a bit loopy from the stadol, so it took me a minute to realize that the pop that I heard was my water breaking. After this, things became a bit clearer. I was checked again around 1am and had progressed to 6 centimeters. I was hooked up to a heart monitor as a precaution as suggested by my cardiologist, and since my heart beats irregular at times, the monitor was constantly going off. I rested, though I didn’t sleep as I was way too excited that I was going to get to meet Lily soon. Reed got some sleep on the couch. Around 3am, my contractions had slowed down I hadn’t progressed any more, so they gave me a bit of pitocin which got things started back up. Around 5 am I was at 8 centimeters.

Finally, at around 9am I was complete at 10 centimeters. This is when they either turned the epidural way down or off because I started feeling pain again. The nurse asked if I felt the urge to push and I told her that I didn’t. She told me to rest and to let her known when I did. Around 10 am, we did a few practice pushes, and I thought it was funny when the nurse said I “pushed beautifully.” At 10:25am , I felt intense pressure, and the real pushes began. A lot of things happened at this point. Reed’s phone was going off constantly, and he turned it off. My monitors kept going off. Reed counted as I pushed and let me squeeze his hand. He was so encouraging during this time, and did a great job supporting me and getting me through each push. I finally got to where I was doing 2-3 pushes per contraction. Around 10:45, the nurses told me that Lily’s heart rate was going up a bit too fast, over 200 bpm, so I needed to have an oxygen mask. She also said that some people from the NICU would be in the room waiting as a precaution. 5 minutes later, about 10 people were in my room, and I was getting really irritated to have to be wearing the oxygen mask since, ironically I was feeling suffocated in it. I snapped at one of the nurses for pulling it back up when I pulled it down to take a big breath.
I pushed like a mad woman for the next 30 minutes and Lily was here at 11:20am weighing  7.0 pounds and measuring 19.5 inches long.

Though it was intense, it will still go down as one of the most amazing things I’ve ever experienced, and though labor was no fun (though not bad at all after my epidural), I can’t even describe in words how extraordinary I felt when I saw her come out. She was taken across the room to her bassinet, and Reed went with her. She was perfect, and didn’t have to go into the NICU. I was so excited at this point, and I remember telling a nurse to move over because she was blocking my view of my baby across the room.

Reed held her for a while as the doctors finished stitching me up while explaining to me that I’d lost quite a bit of blood. I finally got to hold her and couldn’t believe how beautiful she was. The pain of labor didn’t even matter to me anymore. I knew I’d do it all over again for her. The attachment was instant, and I didn’t want to let her go, ever.

Eventually though, I did decide to share. Our families came in. First our sisters, then our mothers and my cousin, then our dads, then our friends. They all spent just a few minutes each with Lily, then they left so Reed and I could have her back. After everyone walked out, the nurse helped me get up to go clean up in the bathroom. This is where I got woozy again. I sat down, and when I stood back up, I felt my legs go out from under me. Reed and then nurse caught me and helped me over to the bed.  I was just before passing out when I barely heard the nurse ask “can you see me and hear me?” The next thing I knew, I smelled the terrible smell of the ammonia tab she had broken under my nose, and it brought me back. After that, I had something to eat, and a lot to drink, and I felt much better.

We stayed in the hospital over the next 3 days, and although I am not a fan of hospital stays, I very much enjoyed being awake with Lily those nights without having to worry about anything else but bonding with her. These memories to me are precious. The time we got to bond as a family was amazing, and Reed and I were both on clouds.

Now, 6 weeks later, life is completely different. I’ve exchanged purses for diaper bags, I get excited when I’m able to sleep for 4 hours at night, and spit up and dirty diapers are just another part of my day. Would I change this for anything? Nope. Lily is the best thing that’s ever happened to us. Reed is absolutely smitten with her, and I am so glad we chose for me to be a stay at home mom instead of working. It’s the biggest blessing I’ve ever received. She has grown and changed so much already, and I look forward to watching her continue to grow and change in the coming days, months and years. Who would have known that contacting an old friend from elementary school 5 years ago would lead to this? I’m amazed with the way God works in my life, and can’t wait to see how He works in Lily’s. There is no doubt about it in my mind. I am blessed way beyond measure.

Reed and I moved!!  We are  officially homeowners and we love it. We have had so much fun painting, decorating, and getting the nursery ready. There are so many things we love about this home, and I’m glad God provided us with one before our little one gets here!

Also, we found out the sex of our baby. We’re having a little girl we plan to name Lily Isabella. I’m 25 weeks along now and I”m getting more anxious to meet her! She kicks me often. Recently, I’ve noticed that her kicks are getting strong enough to where I can see my belly jump when she gets going. It really is amazing.

Also, I’m growing like crazy!! Lily is weighing in at a whopping 1.6 pounds, and I’m up about 7 pounds from my pre-pregnancy weight!

Here’s a picture from when I was 9 weeks along (and bloated!)

And here’s my most recent belly picture from 22 weeks:

There is so much to think about when you have a child on the way! Just a few questions Reed and I have considered in the past 25 weeks:
What color do we want the nursery to be? (Lilac)
Do I want a natural birth or medicated? (Natural if I can, but medicated if I need to!)
Will we be doing full vaccination or selective vaccination? (Selective)
Public school or home school? (Undecided)
Will we have Lily dedicated and baptized? (Yes, and No)
What rules will we set about dating? (Undecided, because Reed NEVER wants her to date. )

We’re already learning that having a baby and raising her is just one decision after another, and we’ll continue to strive to make the decisions that are best for her!

Speaking of pregnancy…wow, what an adventure it has been!!! And I still have 15 weeks or so to go!!

Top 5 things I love hearing during my pregnancy (said by family and friends):

1. “Wow! You look great!”

2.” You and Reed are going to make great parents!”

3. “A child is such a blessing!”

4.” You’re taking really good care of yourself.”

5. “I can see the  pregnancy glow!!”

Top 5 things I hate hearing during pregnancy (because unfortunately, complete strangers feel the need to give me unsolicited advice…)

1. “Wow! You’re huge! Must be due any day huh?” (No, I still have 3 months. Thanks complete stranger for calling me fat!)

2. “Say goodbye to sleep!” (I hate this one because I’ve heard it at least 500 times…)

3. “Breastfeeding and formula feeding are the same. If you breastfeed, you wont do it for long. It hurts too much.” (Again, thank you complete stranger, but I had no idea that what goes on with my breasts is any of your business…)

4. “I did (fill in the blank) with my kid, and they turned out fine.” (Great. But what worked for you and your child, may not work for us and ours!)

5. After saying I want to at least ATTEMPT a natural birth: (While laughing) “You’re going to be BEGGING for the epidural.” (hey…thanks for the support…)
 

Ha. It certainly is an adventure.

I hope to blog at least a couple of times a month since we are now settled into our house. I know that number will decrease when Lily gets here, but I hope to be blogging a lot more after we get settled into a routine because I know she’ll be all I want to talk about.

About You

Name?: Erica
Age?: 22
Height?: 5’4″
 Pre-pregnancy weight?: That’s one I wont answer

 About The Father

Name?: Reed
 Age?: 23
Height?: 6′ 0″
 Are you still together?: we’re married

 About Your Pregnancy
Is this your first pregnancy?: Yes
When did you find out you were pregnant?: November 26th
Was it planned?: No, we were surpised
What was your first reaction?: Shocked
Who was with you when you found out?:Reed
Who was the first person you told?: Reed, Our parents, and our sisters and brother-in-laws
 How did your parents react?:They were very surprised and excited
How far along are you?: Will be 15 weeks tomorrow.
 What was your first symptom?: Metallic taste in my mouth, fatigue
What is your due date?: July 30, 2011
Do you know the sex of the baby?: Not yet. We find out February 22nd
 Have you picked out names?: We’re brainstorming
 If so, what are they?:Landon Josiah for a boy
How much weight have you gained?:I lost 10 pounds due to morning sickness.
Do you have stretch marks?:Not yet. Hoping I don’t have any! But, thats a big hope!
Have you felt the baby move?:I have felt very light flutters like a goldfish swimming inside of me. I only feel it occasionally.
 Have you heard the heartbeat?:Yes 168 BPM.

About the birth
Will you keep the baby?: This little one is all ours!
 Home or hospital birth?: Hospital. Im pretty sure I would never do a home birth.
Natural or medicated birth?: Im fine with going either way, but really won’t make the decision until Im in the delivery room. I’d love to go all naturally, but Im not against epidurals.
Do you think you’ll need a c-section?: I hope not!
Will you cry when you hold the baby for the first time?: I can pretty much say with certainty that I will.
What’s the first thing you might say to him/her?: Im not sure
Would you let someone videotape the birth?:I would but the hospital doesn’t allow that.
Are you excited about the birth, or scared?: Both. Excited to meet out little baby but scared since I don’t know what to expect!

What a feeling of joy and amazement it is to know that my very God who created the universe and everything in it is personally crafting together the child in my womb right now. It is because of this, that I do not worry about what will become of Baby Roberts. I know that the same God Who has taken care of me, will take care of what is nothing less than a miracle residing within my body.

This pregnancy wasn’t planned. Reed and I had plans for ourselves. I was on the verge of taking a new job that would require physical labor and skill that I can no longer do while carrying this little life. We planned to buy a brand new house. We planned to vacation to the mountains for our next anniversary. We planned to do many many things.

However, God had different plans for us.
I’ll admit, when I saw the positive result on the pregnancy test , I had a moment of meltdown. About a thousand different emotions and thoughts went through my head at the same time.  Reed did a great job of calming me down and reassuring me we were going to be okay and be able to take care of our little one. After the initial meltdown, I was ecstatic. Sometimes, you never know how bad you want something until its given to you.

It’s definitely been something to get used to. I mean this in every way. Mentally, emotionally, and physically. Sometimes I sit back and think about the huge responsibility its going to be to raise a child from a baby to adulthood. This little person is going to depend on Reed and me for everything. It’s a lot to take in. However, I know this child is the one God is preparing specifically for Reed and I to raise, and I know with a lot of patience and prayer, we’re going to do fine.

The first trimester hasn’t been easy, though I know it could have been worse. With only 3 weeks left to go in my first trimester, I am finally starting to feel better. Every day for about 5 or 6 weeks, I had nausea, morning sickness (that lasted all day), and complete utter exhaustion. Finally, these symptoms are going away (excluding the exhaustion) and I have my appetite back and am starting to feel a little more like my normal self. Something else that caught me off guard was how fast I ”popped.” I didn’t think I would start showing so early, but at 10 weeks, I’m already in maternity clothes since my regular clothes no longer fit me.

The first ultrasound is scheduled for the 10th, and Reed and I are so excited to see our little guy or girl for the first time. We are so happy that God decided to bless us with this child now. Yes, we had a lot of plans. Yes, there’s a lot of things we wanted to do before that we can’t do now. We could have had children later. However, had all of our plans had followed through, had we of done the things we wanted, had we have had children later, we wouldn’t have THIS child. And really, right now, that’s what we want more than anything…

In looking at what’s going on with myself, and what the problem is, I noticed that one major thing that was missing was organization. Now granted, I’ve never been the most organized person, but that’s going to change. So to do this, the very first thing I did was talked with my supervisor about being switched to day shifts. Ideally, I would love to work Monday through Friday, 9-5. However, in the job I’m in now, I don’t think that is possible, but at least I’ll be able to sleep at night and be awake during the day which is something my body has been fighting to do for the last few weeks. I use to be able to work night shifts and stay up all night with no problem. When Reed and I took our vacation to Myrtle Beach, we were usually in bed by 11pm and awake by 7 or 8am. I absolutely loved the amount of energy I had and how rested I felt.

So, step one, revamping the work schedule. Though this can’t happen immediately, it is in the works and will hopefully happen soon.

So once I begin working days, that will put me into somewhat of a normal schedule. This in turn will let me have a daily time to start going back to the gym regularly. I use to be able to go at 2 or 3 in the morning when I was off, but now I just want to use that time to sleep. I’ve been forgoing the gym lately, and have noticed that I am beginning to get a little too, um.. “fluffy” for comfort. In talking about the way a wife she act and what her duties are, Proverbs 31:17 states “She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks.” I take this to mean that the Proverbs 31 woman keeps herself in shape. This is one of my main goals for myself since I have gained a considerable amount of weight that past few years.

Gym. Check. The next thing I want to do is reorganize my whole house and keep it neater. It seems like every time I turn around there are always dishes or laundry to be done, the bathroom needs to be cleaned, floors need to be vacuumed, and tables need to be dusted. This is in part because I feel like I never have time to finish anything. On my off days, I’m trying to rest up (sometimes after putting 40 hours in one weekend) or spend time with my husband and chores seem to get placed on the back burner. Proverbs 31:27 states, “She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.” The affairs of my household is not my main focus right now, though I’d like for them to be. And I can guarantee there is stale bread in my kitchen. But, I must remind myself, changing everything at once would be overwhelming and I have to take it one step at a time. Reed and I are planning to move at the beginning of next year, and I need to get things organized at my first house before even thinking about moving into a second.

So, in doing these three things, I hope to feel more productive, rested, accomplished, and organized! Reed and I have a lot of plans for ourselves in the next few years so I’m hoping this will be a good start! I will update on the progress!

The Creation of Woman

When I created the heavens and the earth,
I spoke them into being. When I created
man I formed him and breathed life into
his nostrils. But you, woman, I fashioned.
I breathed the breath of life into man
because your nostrils are too delicate.
I allowed a deep sleep to come over him
so I could patiently and perfectly fashion
you. Man was put to sleep so that he could
not interfere with the creativity of ME.

From one bone I fashioned you. I chose
the bone that protects man’s life. I chose the
strong yet delicate rib which protects his
heart and lungs and supports him,
as you are meant to do.

Your characteristics are as the rib, strength
yet delicate and fragile. You provide
protection for the most delicate organs
in man, his heart and lungs. His
heart is the center of his whole being,
his lungs hold the breath of life. The rib
cage will allow itself to be broken before
it will allow damage to his heart
and lungs. Support him as the rib cage
supports the body.

Around this one bone I fashioned you.
I shaped you. I created you perfect.
Your eyes, don’t change them,
your lips how lovely when they part in prayer,
your nose so perfect in form,
your hands so gentle to touch.

Oh yes, I’ve touched your hands, I’ve held
your heart. Of all that lives and breathes
you are the most like me.
That is why I made you the mother of life.
You see, you woman, reside in me.

Adam walked with me in the cool of the day
and yet he was lonely. He could not see me,
or touch me.
He could only feel me. So everything I
wanted Adam to share and experience
with me I fashioned in you.
My holiness, my strength, my purity, my love,
and support, my protection. You are
special because you
are the extension of me.

Man represents my image, woman my emotions.
Together you represent the totality of God.
So man treat woman well. Love her,
respect her for she is fragile.
In hurting her, you hurt me.
What you do to her, you do to me.

In crushing her you only damage your
own heart and lungs.
Woman support man as the rib cage.
In humility show him the power of
emotion I have given to you.
In gentle quietness show your strength.
In love show him that you are the rib
that protects his inner self.

*********************************************

Yea, its captainwabba3000 lol….

—————– Original Message —————–
From: Erica
Date: Jan 1 2007 8:38 PM

Give it a shot. Cape Fear is a really good school, and once you find something you want to do, you’ll really get into the classes. Do you have AIM?

—————– Original Message —————–
From: ^Reed Of Wilmington^
Date: Jan 1 2007 7:45 PM

Well I would start going to capefear this month but now I dunno if thats for me. Might go into the Marines or Airforce but dont know yet.

—————– Original Message —————–
From: Erica
Date: Jan 1 2007 11:46 AM

I’m doing good. Doing the whole College thing at Cape Fear. Criminal Justice Major. Graduated from Topsail in ’06. You going to school anywhere?

—————– Original Message —————–
From: ^Reed Of Wilmington^
Date: Jan 1 2007 2:18 AM

Hey, Yeah I remember you=]….wow have not talk to you in um well its been years lol. Me doin good. How about you? Oh and happy new year to ya.

—————– Original Message —————–
From: Erica
Date: Jan 1 2007 12:59 AM

but i dont know if you remember me.
Your sister is Olivia…you probably already knew that…
My sister is Melissa…Melissa Ward, now Melissa Carter.
They use to hang out together ALL THE TIME.
I’m Melissa’s little sister.
How goes it?
*~Erica~*

Already, we’ve both learned so much. We moved into an apartment after we got married. The rent was a bit high for our budget, but we always managed to get by. Month after month, God provided us with the finances to pay our bills and have food on our table. In August of 2009, shortly before our one year anniversary, Reed’s corporal told me about this small house right next door to him.

Our main worry was the space. This tiny one and half bedroom, one bath house was smaller than our apartment. It didn’t have central heat and air. It had one window air unit in the living room, and our landlady provided another for our bedroom at our request. The kitchen was one of the tiniest I’ve ever seen, and reminded me of my Grandma’s.

 There’s no counter space what-so-ever and no dishwasher. The bedroom is barely big enough for our queen size bed, side table, and one small dresser, and the dining room fits our four seater round dinner table as long as one of the chairs is squished against the wall.

We thought long and hard, and decided to move. Though the space was very limited, we were saving a lot of money. The rent was significantly lower, saving us $225 per month. The police department is a mile up the road and saves Reed gas money as he gets a take home car.  We like our neighbors, and I’m only 2 miles away from my sister’s house. Considering all these things, we figured we wouldn’t mind downgrading.

Since then, we’ve been able to buy a newer used car, get a gym membership, a computer, and live comfortably. At the beginning of our marriage, I thought we’d NEVER get a new car, or house, or be able to have children, because everything was so expensive! Okay, so I guess that’s a dramatic, but being newly married with one income can be overwhelming and difficult at first, and I”m finally learning how to juggle it all.

Which brings me to my next point. One income. My husband is very hard worker. Since he began his job in July 2008, I can recall him taking one sick day because he was sick, and another for his grandmothers funeral. He barely takes vacation time unless it’s a special occasion. He works very hard to provide for us, and I am grateful. However, I’m ready to start contributing more than just as a housewife. We quickly realized that if we wanted a house, I’d have to get a full-time job making at least as much as he does.

I’m six months into my certification from B.L.E.T. A graduate has twelve to find a job and get sworn in. That’s kind of tough to do when there is a hiring freeze. I’ve been offered a reserve position, but I have to pay for all of my own equipment and such to take it. This can get very expensive and is only part-time work. There was a time in my life when being a police officer was the most important thing to me. However, now priorities are changing. Though I still want to do it, and I am avidly looking for full-time work, if I don’t get on somewhere by December, I plan to go back to school. I’d like to study either Sonography, or get my certification to be a Maternity nurse. Both of these would fulfill me in my desire to help people, and though it is very different from being a cop, I’ve always wanted to work with children, babies, or pregnant women as an alternative job. However, this is still a bit away, and for now, I’ll try to find work in making arrests and writing tickets. _

We are getting more mature mentally, emotionally, and financially. We’ve cut back on how much we go out, learning that just because we have the money to do it, doesn’t mean we have to. We’ve learned about compromising. We’ve learned that just because we differ in opinions, it doesn’t mean either of us is wrong. We support and encourage one another in the decisions we make, and the goals we want to achieve. This is making for a very promising future, and very fulfilling marriage.

Reed has decided to go back to school to get his Associates Degree in Criminal Justice. I’m thrilled, and proud that he has made this decision.

So, our first two years, we’ve achieved a little bit, and in the next two, I hope we will have achieved a lot more. By 2012, Reed should be graduating, I will be working full-time as something or another, and we hope to have a house. Please pray that this all goes smoothly.

Psalm 31:3
“Since You are my rock and my fortress, for the sake of Your name lead and guide me.”

Reed was at home for a dinner break. I hadn’t even finished cooking it yet when his phone rang. Reed was receiving information to respond to a call. He came rushing out from the hall.

“What do you got?” I asked.
“Man threatening to commit suicide and he has a gun in his hand,” he responded.

My heart sank. With a quick “I love you,” Reed was out the door.

Now is when the worry sets in. Although you try to not think about it, every possible scenario enters your mind. I knew this would end in one of four ways.
1) The guy would surrender and everyone would be safe.
2) The officers would take action and keep everyone safe.
3)The guy would commit suicide.
4)There would be an exchange of gunfire, and someone would end up hurt or dead. That “someone” could be my husband.

First I prayed. Prayed for the protection of Reed and any other responding officer. Prayed for the protection of those around who would come out of their houses with curiosity when they saw the blur of blue lights.

Then I worried. Worried about Reed’s safety on scene. Worried that he would be the only one there as he was the only officer on duty that night. Worried about becoming a 21-year-old widow. Worried that one of his superiors would show up on my porch with news no wife ever wants to hear.

All there was left to do was wait. Wait for his car to return home so he could finish the dinner I had prepared for him. Wait for him to come back in and hug me very tightly. Wait to see which direction life was going to take.

I walked outside with our puppy, and found comfort in seeing Reed’s corporal, who lives next door, on his phone walking to his police car. I heard his end of the conversation.

“Are you there? Are you outside of the house? Good, stay there, I’m on my way.”

One of the upsides to most of his fellow officers living in our town, is that they can get to each other quickly.
Feeling a bit more comforted, I walked back inside and continued to wait. To worry. To pray.

I did this for an hour. A very long hour. I heard a car door outside of the house, and rushed to the window. Walking up to my porch, was Reed’s corporal. My heart sank as I heard him knock on the door.
I was again, comforted when I opened the door to him smiling at me. He gave me thumbs up and said “Reed’s good!” A weight was lifted off my chest, and I thanked God that everything went smoothly. They had taken the guy into custody without anyone getting hurt.

Three hours later, after taking the man to the hospital and waiting around forever, Reed came home to eat his dinner. I hugged him tightly.

A lot of people don’t truly understand the dangers that go  with his job. They think because he works in a small, quiet town, that he’s safe. This isn’t so, as you see above. The things that seem the most simple, can quickly turn to tragedy. Please look at the examples below of the fallen heroes who weren’t so blessed as to have gone back home to their families. Please read each one, as each officer deserves to be rememebered for their heroism:

(Source: www.odmp.org)

Police Officer Richard John Matthews
Wilmington Police Department
North Carolina
Age:28
End of Watch: Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Officer Richard Matthews was killed in an automobile accident while responding to backup another officer. His patrol car struck a tree after he swerved to avoid a box in the roadway on Shipyard Boulevard.
He was transported to New Hanover Regional Medical Center where he was pronounced dead.
Officer Matthews had served with the Wilmington Police Department for 2 years and had previously served with the New York City Police Department for 3 years.

Police Officer Bill Evans
West Memphis Police Department
Arkansas
Age:38
End of Watch: Thursday, May 20, 2010
Police Officer Bill Evans and Sergeant Brandon Paudert were shot and killed during a vehicle stop.
Officer Evans was on patrol on Interstate-40 when, at 1136 hours, he pulled over a vehicle, occupied by two men, for a violation. Sergeant Paudert arrived shortly after to provide back-up on the stop. During the stop, the officers had the vehicle occupants exit the vehicle. A struggle with one suspect ensued, followed by an exchange of gunfire. Both suspects were armed with AK-47′s. Officer Evans and Sergeant Paudert were both killed in an exchange of gunfire with the suspects.

The suspects fled, and were later located at a nearby store. One suspect was shot and killed in an exchange of gunfire with a State Wildlife officer. The second suspect was shot and killed in a shootout with members of the West Memphis Police Department, the Arkansas State Police and the Crittenden County Sheriff’s Office. The County Sheriff and the Chief of Patrol were seriously wounded in that exchange.

Officer Evans was a nine year veteran of the department and a member of the Drug Interdiction Unit. He was the nephew of the West Memphis Chief of Police. He is survived by his two children.

Deputy Sheriff Chad Lee Mechels
Turner County Sheriff’s Department
South Dakota
Age:33
End of Watch: Sunday, March 15, 2009
Deputy Chad Mechels was shot and killed while performing a well-being visit.
Deputy Mechels responded to a farmhouse west of Marion, South Dakota, to check on the well-being of an individual. After arriving, he was shot. He was taken to Avera McKennan Hospital in Sioux Falls where he died from his injuries.
The suspect, a 19-year-old male, called 911 to report he had shot Deputy Mechels and then fled the scene. He was taken into custody later in the day when he turned himself in at the Minnehaha County Law Enforcement Center. He was charged with first degree murder.
Deputy Mechels had served with the Turner County Sheriff’s Department for five months. He had previously served with the Lake County Sheriff’s Department and Kingsbury County Sheriff’s Department, for a total of five years of law enforcement experience.

Deputy Mechels is survived by his wife, 7-year-old daughter and 3-year-old son.

Officer Tina G. Griswold
Lakewood Police Department
Washington
Age: 40
End of Watch: Sunday, November 29, 2009
Officer Tina Griswold, Sergeant Mark Renninger, Officer Greg Richards, and Officer Ronald Owens were shot and killed in an ambush style attack while sitting inside a coffee shop in Lakewood.
All four officers had parked their marked patrol cars in front of a coffee shop and were inside, in uniform, preparing for their shift. They were sitting at a table with their laptop computers open, completing job related paperwork. The suspect entered the coffee shop and stood in line. When he reached the counter he drew a handgun from his coat, turned toward the officers and opened fire. Two of the officers were shot before they had time to react. A third officer stood up, but was shot before he could draw his weapon. The fourth officer struggled with the suspect, wrestling him out the front door of the shop, before being shot. The fourth officer was able to return fire before he died, wounding the suspect as he fled.

A massive two day manhunt ensued, in an attempt to capture the suspect. He was shot and killed by a Seattle Police Officer, after the Seattle Officer observed the suspect near a stolen car. The officer attempted to take the suspect into custody, but the suspect refused to follow commands and attempted to flee, prompting the Officer to shoot and kill the suspect.
Officer Griswold had served with the Lakewood Police Department for five years and had a total of fourteen years of law enforcement experience.

Responding to back up another officer, doing a “routine” traffic stop, performing a well-being check, and sitting in a coffee shop preparing for  a shift were the last things these officers ever did. Most people think that unless you work in a place where you have shoot-outs every day or respond to armed robberies at banks or have chases all the time, it isn’t dangerous. They’ve fooled themselves into thinking that small town police work is the same as working in Mayberry. You only need one bullet, everyone respects you, and there is no danger.

The following video is from the dashcam of fallen Hero, Deputy Kyle Dinkheller. This was a “routine” traffic stop. I will warn that the audio on the video is graphic. You don’t see much, but you certainly can hear what is going on. .

During the traffic stop he called in for backup. Before the backup arrived he was shot by the man with a rifle. He was able to return fire, striking the suspect in the stomach. The suspect was found during a search the next morning and taken into custody.
On January 28, 2000, the suspect was found guilty of murder and was sentenced to death two days later.
Deputy Dinkheller was survived by his expectant wife and 22-month-old daughter. Deputy Dinkheller’s son was born in early September 1998.

So, my friends, as you can see, the Mayberry days are long gone. The above is the reality of police work, and the reality is danger. Please consider this and pray for Officers everywhere to be able to return home to their families after their shift. Deputy Dinkheller was someones husband, someones son, and someones brother. Imagine if he had been yours.

As I bring this post to an end, I hope that you have more respect for police officers and what they do. Small town or not, they are all modern-day superheroes. They all face danger. My husband, along with all other police officers, risk not coming home to their families, to protect yours. If nothing else, keep them in your thoughts and prayers, and when you see a police officer on the street, or even in a coffee shop or gas station, it wouldn’t hurt to say a simple “thank you.” May God bless all officers and keep them safe and may He comfort the families who worry about them.

Recently on my quest of transitioning from housewife to police officer, I had to go get a drug/physical/psychological test. I got to go spend a few hours out of my day to let people I don’t know tell me that I’m not on drugs, I’m healthy, and I’m sane. No matter. The people who worked with me were actually very enjoyable and it really wasn’t that bad of a process.

Before going to get these things done, I had a bit of anxiety. I wanted to impress the psychologist and have him know that I was fit for the job. I got up early in the morning, dressed my best and left very early so I’d make a good impression and be there before my scheduled appointment.

I arrived about 40 minutes early (a bit too early, but since I live in Holly Ridge and my appointment was in Leland, I wanted to allow myself enough time in case of congested traffic or anything else.) I sat in my car with the radio on K-Love. It was background music. I wasn’t really listening to it at all. I had way too much on my mind to pay attention to the music and really didn’t even notice it was on. As I sat in my car, the nervousness crept up on me, and I began to get butterflies in my stomach. I smoothed my shirt, brushed my hair, re-applied my lipstick and looked in my rearview mirror.

I clearly thought to myself , “How do I look?”

At that exact moment, the radio I didn’t even notice was on suddenly became very loud, and the very next line from the song that was playing hit me like a ton of bricks.

“You are beautiful.”

Knowing that this was from God, I smiled and thanked Him. The butterflies went away and I spent the next few minutes in prayer and praising my God.  He took a song about Him and used it to speak to me in a way I needed it just then. I consider this the best compliment I’ve ever received.

“The King is enthralled by your beauty; honor Him, for He is your lord.”- Psalm 45:11

He is my God, and I will honor Him by spending less time focusing on my outward appearance, and more focusing on what beauty is in His eyes.

The song that spoke to me that day. “Famous One” by Chris Tomlin: